Rape

If you've been sexually abused & 1/4 girls are abused or assaulted by the age of 18- so it is not uncommon. Also, it's not uncommon for there to be sexual acts that reiterate feelings of abuse to which you are Appalled & disgusted in a way that is hard to describe. I've never tried to research it, if there even is any research that has been done, as to what prompts different acts to be particularly desired & others to be wholeheartedly repulsive to females. As it is, knowing many females who have been abused & fit into this category of those who like disturbing sexual or 'kinky' acts, there is no obvious surface explanation that I've seen or made connection of such. I wouldn't advertise your feelings to anyone you don't trust for unconditional acceptance, as those who've never been abused have trouble finding empathy because they've never experienced such desires. HOWEVER, know that you are NOT alone, NOR dirty, NOR defiled in & by your sexual preferences, so you've no reason to feel inwardly ashamed. I like to be held down, my neck held tight, some pain, anal sex, as well as oral-anal give & take (the latter 3 only by those I am completely comfortable with; none by a one-night stand - as those situations give me more the traumatic 're-feeling' of the initial abuse rather than pleasure). ALSO, note that women who have been abused respond primarily in 2 ways: general or majoritive abstinence and general or majoritive promiscuity. There is a plethora of research on this topic.